Your edited essay

Your coach will review your essay, improving the grammar and flow directly using track changes and offering additional advice in the comments. You’ll walk away with a polished essay, along with insight into how to improve your writing skills.

I have never been good at breathing.

When I was eight8, I was diagnosed with asthma, a condition where your airways narrow and breathing is difficult. I had had pneumonia a few months before, and despite having recovered, I still often had trouble breathing. I missed a good portion of third grade (it took years afterwards to fully master the times tables the class had covered in my absence ) and felt generally bad for almost a year. By the time my parents and I met with Dr. Bisberg, who diagnosed the problem, it was a reliefI felt relieved to simply have an answer.

Unfortunately, themy troubles didn’t end there. My asthma wasn’t well-controlled, so I felt physically ill and made trips to the ER on several occasions in the following year. Sometimes I even needed to spend the night which was definitely scary as a young kid. When I finally returned to school after a two month long absence, the other kids weren’t psychedeager to have me return. I was bullied for being a ghost” (absent all the time), for having to leave class multiple times a day for medication, and for the inhaler that I carried around everywhere. I felt weird, dumb, and, most of all, lonely. What’s more, my little sister would get jealous because of all the attention I was receiving. I couldn’t win on any side and my life was spirally into a disaster: I couldn’t breathe and no one liked me- not even my own sister!

But all that changed the next summer. My mom signed me up for Camp Breathe, a sleepaway summer camp for children with severe asthma. There, I wasn’t an oddball for using an inhaler –- all the cool kids had them. Even my nebulizer –- a loud, bulky machine that I had to used twice a day to take my asthma medication–-was no biggie big deal at Camp Breathe.

The other girls in my cabin were just like me. They knew all about my health struggles because they had the same health struggles. Unlike the kids at school, the kids at campmy fellow campers were kind and understanding. I wasn’t bullied, and neither, to my knowledge, was anyone else: we had all had enough experience as outsiders to know how damaging it can be.

After my experience at camp, I switched schools and made new friends. I returned to Camp Breathe for the next three3 years and made many wonderful memories. Now, I rarely worry about my health. I even play varsity volleyball and dance on the dance team at school. I don’t think about having asthma on a daily basis, but the lessons I learned at Camp Breathe –- how to forge strong friendships, work as part of a team, accept people with differences, and make the best out of every situation –- will stay with me for life.

  • 1

    Be concise

    You can expect your readers to be familiar with what asthma is, so this definition here isn’t necessary.

  • 2

    Stay focused

    You’ve already done a great job of describing your situation, so I’d suggest streamlining the text here to keep the focus on the most important details. This will not only help you meet your word count limit but also ensure that the essay stays focused on your current strengths and qualities, rather than a past hardship.

  • 3


    You might want to expand on what changed after camp that made it easier to make new friends. Was it really just that your situation changed, or did you also develop new skills and qualities that made your situation easier?

  • 4

    Show, don't tell

    Great sentence here! I really like this because it demonstrates your values and character traits. To make this section even stronger, consider using real-life examples to demonstrate how you put these traits into practice.


A personal note

Along with the edited essay, you’ll receive a note from your coach that answers your questions and explains specific steps you can take to strengthen your essay.


College Essay Checklist

Your coach will provide an in-depth content review designed to help you showcase strong writing skills and personal qualities that admissions officers expect to see from college-ready applicants.

Don't wait too long...

The deadline to submit your college application will be here before you know it. Get peace of mind knowing that your essay is on the right track, and rely on expert advice to make your essay even stronger.

Start now Learn more


Ask our team

Want to contact us directly? No problem. We are always here for you.

Frequently asked questions

See all
How fast can Scribbr review my personal statement?

We know that waiting for feedback can be nerve-racking. If you select our faster deadline option, you’ll hear from your personal statement editor in 24 hours or less – including on weekends and holidays. 

Will Scribbr rewrite my personal statement for me?

We never engage in rewriting or adding text at Scribbr. Our personal statement editors will make grammatical corrections and leave suggestions using Word’s track changes and commenting feature. However, we always make sure that your perspective and voice remain front and center in your essay.

How fast can Scribbr review my admissions essay?

We know that waiting for feedback can be nerve-racking. If you select our faster deadline option, you’ll hear from your college essay coach in 24 hours or less – including on weekends and holidays.

Will my college essay coach give me content advice?

Yes. All our college essay coaches are subject-matter experts and can help you make decisions regarding the content of your essay. Your coach will help you make a strong case for your admission.

Our essay coaches will provide feedback on…

  • Whether your topic is appropriate and how to strengthen it
  • Whether your essay demonstrates positive traits and authenticity
  • Whether the narrative flows smoothly and grabs the reader’s attention
  • How to dig deeper and show self-reflection and insight
  • What content is missing and should be added
  • What content is weak and should be removed
  • How to shorten your essay to meet a word count limit

However, we will never…

  • Write or rewrite content for you
  • Research or fact-check your essay’s content

If you have any questions, feel free to email [email protected]

Can you help me meet my word count limit?

Yes! Our essay coaches can help you reduce your word count by up to 25%. You can choose to receive this feedback through direct edits or suggestions in comments – just select your choice when you upload your essay.

What type of content feedback should I select?

When you submit your essay to our College Essay Editing & Coaching service, you’ll be asked to indicate what type of content feedback you would like to receive. You can choose from three options:

  • Dig deep and challenge me
  • Give me the standard treatment
  • Tread lightly

Whichever option you choose, you’ll receive in-depth content feedback from your essay coach. However, the type of feedback your essay coach provides may differ, and the option you should choose depends on what outcome you want from the review. You can always elaborate on what type of feedback you want in your note to your essay coach.

Learn more about the three options below.

Choose from three options

Dig deep and challenge me

If you choose this option, we’ll challenge you to write the best possible essay – no content suggestions are off-limits, including reorienting your topic or reframing your story. Students who choose this option aren’t afraid to go back to the drawing board if it’ll increase their chances of getting accepted. You may have to roll up your sleeves and do some more work on your essay, but your essay will be much stronger because of it.

Select this option if your priority is to have the best possible essay, even if it requires some extra work on your side.

Give me the standard treatment

We’ll strike a balance between “dig deep and challenge me” and “tread lightly.” We may suggest changes to your structure and narrative, including removing weak content, elaborating on certain sections, and adding content to strengthen your arguments. You may have to rework sentences and paragraphs, but we won’t suggest major content changes.

Tread lightly

With this option, we’ll focus on improving your essay in a way that requires little additional work from you. We’ll provide you with targeted suggestions for how to refine your essay’s structure and narrative, but we will work within your current structure and topic. While you may have to make a few tweaks here and there, we’ll aim to return you a polished draft that’s ready to be submitted to your chosen colleges.

Select this option if you are fairly satisfied with your essay and don’t want to make major changes or if you have limited time to revise.


If you have any questions, feel free to email [email protected]

What is Scribbr’s 100% happiness guarantee?

At Scribbr, we promise to make every customer 100% happy with the service we offer. Our philosophy: Your complaint is always justified – no denial, no doubts.

Our customer support team is here to find the solution that helps you the most, whether that’s a free new edit or a refund for the service.